Mr Al-Khapoun's Christmas Quiz, 2003

Inexorably Mr Al-Khapoun, of the Philistine/Liberace Organisation, pursues his annual campaign to induce shock and awe among the literary. As usual he expects you to waste your time by identifying, as accurately as possible, the ten quotations below; or failing that, to misidentify them entertainingly. He has helpfully provided translations for the ones that are not in English. According to Mr Al-Khapoun, none of the authors are actually obscure, although perhaps some of them ought to be. Two have won Nobel Prizes. Some clues will be made available around January 20th and the answers will be revealed at the end of January.

I dream: Enabling legislation was passed by Congress yesterday making it a statutory offense to have wicked thoughts about President Johnson. Suspects will be questioned by the F.B.I. with the aid of a lie detector.
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It would be a letter full of powder. On the office we expected they would open it quickly, the powder would go all over the floor, and they would get all upset because you are not supposed to upset anything. They'd have to gather up all this Pepto-Bismol...
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Like most of my countrymen, I am a man of few words. We are habituated out there to act rather than talk. Judged from the view-point of your beautiful old civilization, I am aware that my curtness must seem crude. But, gentlemen, believe me, right here -
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Il fallut que mon ami le tirât longtemps par la manche et le secouât pour le faire descendre jusques à lui, tant il était occupé d'une courbe, qui le tourmentait peut-être depuis plus de huit jours.
My friend had to tug at his sleeve and shake him for a long time to get him to come down to his level, for his mind was fully occupied by a curve, which had been bothering him for at least eight days.
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            There was a Broder of Orderys Blacke
                        In mynster of Bristowe Cittie
            Hee layd a Damoisell onne her Backe
                        So guess yee the Taile of mie Dittie

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Der 14. Juli, der 10. August, der 31. Mai sind seine Interpunktionszeichen.
The 14th of July, the 10th of August and the 31st of May punctuate it.
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            Gino, qui sotto anacreòntea pergola
            o a la platonia verde ombra de'platani,
            qui tra i bicchieri che il vin fresco imporpora
            degna risposta meditiamo. Versasi

            cerula notte sovra il piano argenteo;
            move da Sirmio una canora imagine
            giù via per l'onda che soave mormora
            riscintillando e al curvo lido infrangesi.
Gino, here under the Anacreontic pergola, or in the Platonic green shade of the plane trees, here amid the glasses red with cool wine, let us consider our reply. Blue night pours over the silvered plain; a singing shade comes down from Sirmio, down over the soft murmuring wave that sparkles and shatters on the curving shore.
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...a championship tournament game between Gortchakoff and Meninkin, seventy-two moves to a draw, a prize specimen of the irresistible force meeting the immovable object, a battle without armour, a war without blood, and as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you could find anywhere outside an advertising agency.
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He followed her with his eyes as she obediently withdrew between the rows of chess tables and after nodding briskly to himself, he made his way to the board where his new opponent was already seating himself, a grizzled Englishman who played with invariable sang-froid and invariably lost.
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            If I were called in
            To construct a new religion
            I should make use of water.
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