Mr Al-Khapoun's Christmas Quiz, 2005

Mr Al-Khapoun, of the Philistine/Liberace Organisation, has a long history of anti-social behaviour. So much so that in November he was served with an ASBO prohibiting him from using quotation in a way likely to distress or annoy members of the public. But the Philistine/Liberace Organisation has many expert lawyers among its supporters, and they have been able, just in time, to have the order lifted and allow him to present his usual quiz. Here are ten quotations, all in their original languages, for you to identify. This can probably be done by means of web searches, but Mr Al-Khapoun's lawyers disapprove of that. Mr Al-Khapoun has supplied some free translations of the three that are not in English.
  1. This deceived the People in general; who were satisfyed to continue the Payments they had been accustomed to, and made the Administration seem easy; since the War went on without any new Taxes raised, except the very last year they were in Power; Not considering what a mighty Fund was exhausted, and must be perpetuated although extremely injurious to Trade, and to the true Interest of the Nation.

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  2.             You shall first know him, then admire him
                For a man of many parts, and those parts rare ones.
                Hee's every thing indeed, parcel Physician,
                And as such prescribes my diet, and foretells
                My dreams when I eat Potato's; parcel Poet
                And sings Encomiums to my virtues sweetly;
                My Antecedent, or my Gentleman Usher;
                And as the starrs move, with that due proportion
                He walks before me; but an absolute Master
                In the Calculation of Nativities;
                Guided by that ne're-erring science, called
                Judicial Astrologie.

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  3. I am ashamed to repeat what he said: he almost said it approached to sin. But, as in duty bound, he absolved me; on condition of eating a tench for supper, an isinglass jelly, and two apricot tarts, preceded by a bowl of almond soup, and followed by a demi-flask of Orvieto. I begged hard against the tench, and pleaded for a mullet.

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  4. Plus tard, on vit surgir un roi franc, un hospodar, un maharadjah, trois Romulus, huit Alaric, six Atatürk, huit Mata-Hari, un Caïus Gracchus, un Fabius Maximus Rullianus, un Danton, un Saint-Just, un Pompidou, un Johnson (Lyndon B.), pas mal d'Adolf, trois Mussolini, cinq Caroli Magni, un Washington, un Othon à qui aussitôt s'opposa un Habsbourg, un Timour Ling qui, sans aucun concours, trucida dix-huit Pasionaria, vingt Mao, vingt-huit Marx (un Chico, trois Karl, six Groucho, dix-huit Harpo).

    Later, there appeared a Frankish King, a gospodar, a maharaja, three Romuluses, eight Alarics, six Ataturks, eight Mata Haris, one Caius Gracchus, one Fabius Maximus Rullianus, one Danton, one Saint-Just, one Pompidou, a Johnson (Lyndon B.), plenty of Adolfs, three Mussolinis, five Charlemagnes, a Washington, an Otho followed immediately by an opposing Habsburg, and a Tamerlaine who, having no opposition, bumped off eighteen Pasionarias, twenty Maos, twenty-eight Marxes (a Chico, three Karls, six Grouchos and eighteen Harpos).

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  5.             Learn from the Soviet Union
                Don't stick to doomed opinion
                You must swim with the tide
                And take your people for a ride
                            A little to the Left - Right
                            A little to the Right - Left

                The conga law of equity
                Yields economic parity
                You squeeze the left and waste
                Its resources on the right caste

                A little to the Left - shake!
                A little to the Right - shake!
                Red Flag or Imperial Purple
                All you need is a waist that's supple
                            A little to the Left - shake!
                            A little to the Right - shake!

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  6. Anand had no more work to do that year and no more milk to drink, but on Monday he went to school. All Saturday's candidates were there. they had become a superior, leisured caste. A few boys did spend the day writing the examination as nearly as possible as they had done on Saturday. (The Chinese boy, with a mortification that amounted almost to terror, got the correct answer to the sum about the cyclist.)

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  7. [Hinter ihm erscheinen die sieben Zwerge und umringen Schneewittchen.]

    Die sieben Zwerge: Typisch. Da geht sie hin, die Gute. Dabei hätte sie uns rechtzeitig finden können, wenn sie ihre Wanderkarte nicht die ganze Zeit verkehrt herum gehalten hätte. Was die Schönheit für Täler gehalten hat, waren in wirklichkeit Berge. Nur das Gute kann Berge versetzen, manchmal auch die Glaube, die Schönheit kanns jedenfalls nicht. Sie kann die Berge meilenweit verfehlen, auch wenns Sieben Stück davon gibt. Die Berge waren, wo sie schon immer waren, bloß die Schönheit war leider am falschen Ort. Egal. Uns bleibt so und so wieder die ganze Arbeit. Immer müssen wie einer energische Haltung einnehmen un den Dreck von andren Leuten wegmachen. Manchmal denken wir, daß wir einmal gerne selber tot wären, damit die andren einmal an lustigen Figuren wie uns sehen, daß der Tod nun wirklich nicht so lustig ist, wie sie es sich offenbar vorgestellt haben.

    [Sie legen Scheewittchen in den gläsernen Sarg und tragen ihn fort.]

    [As he leaves the seven dwarves appear and stand around Snow White.]

    The seven dwarves: Typical. Look what's happened to you now, dear. And she could have found us soon enough if only she hadn't been holding her map upside down. What Beauty thought were valleys were really mountains. Only Good can move mountains, or Faith sometimes. In any case, Beauty can't. What she can do is miss the mountains by miles, even when they are all over the place. The mountains are where they always were, it's just that Beauty was in the wrong place. Oh well. And as usual we have to do all the work. We always have to look cheerful and remove other people's rubbish. Sometimes we think we'd quite like to be dead ourselves for once, just so that the others could see, from our jolly appearance, that death really isn't as much fun as they seem to think it is.

    [They put Snow White in the glass coffin and take her away.]

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  8.                                                 Tra speranza
                e vecchia sfiducia, ti accosto, capitato
                per caso, in questa magra serra, innanzi

                alla tua tomba, al tuo spirito restato
                quaggiù tra questi liberi. (O è qualcosa
                di diverso, forse, di più estasiato

                e anche di più umile, ebbra simbiosi
                d'adolescente di sesso con morte. . .)
                E, da questo paese in cui non ebbe posa

                la tua tensione, sento quale torto
                - qui nella quiete delle tombe - e insieme
                quale ragione - nell'inquieta sorte

                nostra - tu avessi stilando le supreme
                pagine nei giorni del tuo assassinio.

    I approach you somewhere between hope and my old mistrust, having come by chance upon this small greenhouse in front of your tomb, in the presence of your spirit, still here among these free ones. (Or is it something else, perhaps, more irrational and less exalted, a drunken adolescent mixing of sex and death...) And, from this country in which your tensions were never resolved, I can see how wrong you were, here among the quiet tombs, and yet how right, in our noisy life, as you wrote your final pages in the days before your murder.

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  9. "That's different," sad the Wizard. "He's in with them. They all know him. Why, he's a sort of chairman of different boards of colleges, and he knows all the heads of the schools, and the professors, so it's no wonder that if he offers to give a pension, or anything, they take it. Just think of me going up to one of the professors up there in the middle of his teaching and saying, `I'd like to give you a pension for life!' Imagine it! Think what he'd say!"

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  10. The gondola stopped, the old palace was there; it was a house of the class which in Venice carries even in extreme dilapidation the dignified name. `How charming! It's grey and pink!' my companion exclaimed; and that is the most comprehensive description of it. It was not particularly old, only two or three centuries; and it had an air not so much of decay as of quiet discouragement, as if it had rather missed its career. But its wide front, with a stone balcony from end to end of the piano nobile or most important floor, was architectural enough, with the aid of various pilasters and arches; and the stucco with which in the intervals it had long ago been endued was rosy in the April afternoon. It overlooked a clean melancholy rather lonely canal, which had a narrow riva or convenient footway on either side.

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