Skip to main content

Living with others

Advice and tips for navigating life in shared student housing.

Practical tips to navigate living with others.

Living with others is a big part of university life, and is often rewarding and fun, but can be challenging at times.

Getting used to different personalities and how they like to live can take time. It may also be your first time living away from home which can make the transition difficult.

It's normal to face these ups and downs, and there are ways to manage shared living to look after your own space physically and emotionally.

Why is shared living difficult at times?

Everyone is different, and living in a shared space means you must get used to other people's routines, habits, and communication styles. This can sometimes cause a clash or differing opinions. For example,

  • Some people like things to be clean and tidy, while others don't mind the mess.
  • People have different opinions on acceptable levels of noise.
  • You might have differing opinions on how spaces are used.

This differing opinion on how we live can sometimes cause misunderstandings and conflict, leading to stress and anxiety, particularly during busy times like exams or when people are feeling homesick or overwhelmed.

Everyone responds differently to shared living, particularly if you're used to personal space, or are introverted, shared living can feel draining.

There are small, manageable steps you can take to help make shared living easier.

What can you do to help now?

There are lots of practical things that you can do to build a more comfortable and respectful space. The key to living together is communication. So try wherever possible to be open with those you're living with. These are a few tips that could help.

Wellbeing:

  • Always talk things through and have open and honest conversations. This can often prevent small things from becoming much bigger.
  • Respect the opinion of your flatmates. Try to find compromises where possible.
  • Make time for yourself in your day so that you have personal space to relax and unwind.
  • Be open and set boundaries, it's okay to tell your flatmates when you might need some time alone or ask for quiet time, especially during revision periods.

Tips for shared living:

  • Have an open discussion with your flatmates when you first live together. This can help to set boundaries and understand everyone's needs. You may want to use your shared living agreement to do this.
  • Set some house guidelines and agree with them early. Things like cleaning schedules, acceptable levels of noise, times you would like there to be quiet hours (particularly during exams), shared costs for communal items, guests, etc.
  • Consider how you communicate issues with your flatmates. Leaving written notes can often be misinterpreted.
  • Try to keep shared areas tidy where others will be using them too.
  • Keep checking in with each other. Remember, small problems can become big very quickly if they are not discussed.

What to do if there is conflict

Living with others means you might not always see eye to eye and that’s okay. Disagreements or tension in shared spaces are completely normal. What matters is how you choose to handle them.

  • If you or the other person is upset, distressed, or angry, it's usually best to take some time before talking things through. Giving each other space to reflect can often make the conversations calmer and more productive.  

  • Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and think about what might be behind their actions. This may help you understand things from their perspective, bringing balance to your conversation. 

  • Pick the right time to have the conversation. Try to pick a moment when you are both relaxed and not too tired or stressed.

  • Using "I" statements like "I feel" is less likely to make the other person feel attacked or defensive while still allowing you to share how the situation has been impacting you and what you would like to change. E.g. "I feel frustrated when I go to cook a meal and there is no space on the counter" or "I feel upset when you ignore me".  

  • Try to avoid generalisations like “you’re so rude” or “you always ignore me.” Instead, focus on what happened and how it made you feel. For example: “I feel uncomfortable when [blank] was said about me“, rather than “You’re a gossip.” This helps the other person understand your experience and gives them a chance to make a change.

  • Consider your body language if you can. Try and keep your body open and relaxed and don't interrupt - show the other person that you're listening to them too. 

  • Often alcohol can be involved when conflicts arise. Where possible try to allow each other to cool off, reflect and have a conversation the next day.

Most conflicts can be resolved quickly and easily with open communication and empathy.

Sometimes conflict can feel like it’s between you and everyone else making it more challenging to resolve on your own. You can reach out for support if this feels challenging.

If you need more support ResLife have a form for students to complete to report any housemate issues that arise so that they can explore how to support you.  If you feel that living elsewhere would be a better fit for you, we would always suggest trying to resolve the issue first if possible. 

If someone’s behaviour towards you is unwanted or inappropriate and makes you feel uncomfortable you can use the Support and Report tool for advice, support, and guidance on possible next steps for you. This can be an informal conversation and doesn’t need to lead to a formal complaint, but can help you access the support or talk through the situation with a member of staff.

Videos to help living with others

Apps and tools you can use

There are various apps and tools you can use to make shared living easier:

  • The Be Well app is full of podcasts and resources that can help your overall wellbeing or calm you in times of conflict.
  • Apps like Splitwise to help split shared costs
  • Use shared Calenders to communicate, events, guest visits or chores
  • Use shared Whatsapp groups to help with communication.

Podcasts to listen to

  • Connecting the Dots – “How to Be a Good Roommate”- college-aged friends share real-life tips and personal stories about living together successfully. (1 hour listen)
  • Roommates- two sophomores share honest stories and advice about living together at college, offering relatable advice on adjusting and resolving conflicts.
  • Dear Roommate- this engaging podcast answers listener-submitted questions about college roommate issues and features expert guests.

Helpful websites

People You Can Talk To

Final thoughts

Learning to live with others and understanding each other's habits can take time. With a bit of patience, good communication, shared living can be something positive and central to your university experience, even during difficult times.

This page was created in partnership with students, Reslife and Student Support.

On this page