Supporting a friend who you are really worried about can feel overwhelming, and it’s natural to feel unsure of what to do. Please remember that many people each year can experience thoughts of suicide and self-harm, and it is important to take them seriously. Most will recover or find ways to manage their situation. A sense of hope is important for both you and the person themselves. This page has people and resources that can help guide you through this difficult time.

If your friend is at immediate risk

If your friend is at immediate risk, act quickly. If they have hurt themselves please call 999 or take them to the nearest hospital’s A&E (Accident & Emergency) department.

If they are about to harm themselves please call NHS 111 and select option 2 for mental health support. It’s important to tell the staff that your friend has hurt themselves or is at risk of harming themselves so they can get the urgent care they need.

If you are not sure if it is an emergency then there are experts you can call who can support you to understand the best next steps to help you and your friend:

• HOPEline UK: A confidential helpline that can support both you and your friend, offering guidance and advice.
  
• You can contact our Be Well - Talk Now service which provides free, confidential advice and support by phone from anywhere in the world, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Call 0800 028 3766 and an adviser can support you or discuss how to support your friend.
  
• Samaritans: 24 hour trained listening service.
• If you find it easier to text than talk, you can text SHOUT to 85258. This is a confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service.

What can I do to help now?

It can be difficult when your friend is struggling, and it’s okay to feel uncertain about what to do next. Just being there for them is already a huge act of support. Be open and ask if they’re feeling suicidal. It’s important to talk openly about suicide, even though it can be difficult, it shows that you care and that you’re there to support them.

Lots of young people will have thoughts about suicide and harming themselves at some point. Having these thoughts does not mean someone is necessarily going to attempt suicide. But it does mean they need help and support. All suicidal feelings should be taken seriously. These are some good questions to ask:

• Don’t be afraid to ask what they mean if you think they are talking about harming themselves e.g. “when you say you just want to disappear what do you mean by that? Are you thinking of killing yourself?” This is a tough question but an important one as it helps both you and your friend know exactly how they are feeling.
  
• Try to get them to think about how they have coped before, “what have you done before that has helped you when you have been really struggling?”... “Can you do that again?”.
  
• Try to get them to think about who is on their side, “who has helped you before when you have been feeling like this” It might be family, friends, a professional even their pet. Helping people to see they are not alone is really important. “Could you call that person now?”
  
• Distract and comfort them. Sometimes, small distractions can help can shift their attention. Watching TV, playing a game, or even cleaning together can offer reassurance and make them feel less alone.
  
• distrACT is an app that provides quick access to information about self-harm and suicide as well as a calm zone. It has been developed by doctors and experts. You could download and explore this together.
  
• Look through the Students Against Depression website for more ideas about what to do next. The website will help your friend to understand their suicidal thoughts better and how to get the right kind of help and support. If it feels appropriate your friend can use this safety plan template to help them think about what can keep them safe.

While what your friend tells you is very personal and should not be widely shared, if you are very worried about them hurting themselves, you should never promise to keep it a secret. Instead, tell someone who can advise you on how to best keep your friend safe.

For advice and support you can call the helplines at the top of this page. During working hours you can contact us in Student Support if you are concerned about someone else. Call us on 01225 383838 or come in to the Roper Centre 4W and have a conversation. We can reach out to a student who is struggling and offer support and advice, and we will also make sure you are getting support yourself.

Looking after yourself

Remember, it’s okay to set boundaries and take care of your own needs. Only offer the support you feel able to, and prioritise your own wellbeing. Supporting someone through a tough time can be overwhelming, and it’s important to ask for help when you need it too.

Try to stay connected with your own support networks and make time for the things you enjoy, like hobbies or sports, these are essential for your wellbeing. Use the Be Well app and its resources to help support your wellbeing.

Also, be mindful of the small things that help you feel good, such as eating heathy meals and getting enough sleep. These simple habits can have a big impact, but they’re easy to forget when you're focused on supporting someone else.

If you need to talk to someone about your own wellbeing these services can support you as well as your friends:

• You can call the Be Well Talk Now phoneline on 0800 028 3766. This is available 24/7 and you can discuss your concerns with an advisor.
  
• The Wellbeing House is a free short term retreat to allow you to reset and recharge after supporting a friend if needed.
  
• If you need support yourself, would like to talk through the situation or would like to signpost your friend to support, you can speak to the Student Support Advice Team based in 4 West.

Videos to help understand suicidal thoughts

These videos also offer some useful tips to understand and support someone thinking of self harm and suicidal thoughts:

• Youngminds have a series of videos to help you understand how to respond when a friend opens up.
  
• Reaching out for support with poor mental health. Student Dan shares his experience of poor mental health and reaching out for support. (4 minute watch)
  

Apps and tools you can use

These apps can help you access information round self harm or suicidal thoughts:

• distrACT provides quick access to information about self-harm and suicide as well as a calm zone. It has been developed by doctors and experts.
  
• Stay Alive is full of useful information and tools to help you stay safe in crisis.
  
• The Be Well app has an SOS button which leads to resources including the ability to make a safety plan.

Podcasts to listen to

• Hopecast is a podcast series from UK charity, PAPYRUS. It talks openly and honestly with a range of guests about suicide, mental health and emotional wellbeing.
• The Lets talk about suicide prevention podcast by the Mental Health Foundation talks to people who have experience of suicidal thoughts. It ends by talking about how a conversation with another person can make the difference to someone considering suicide. (45 minute listen)

Helpful websites

• The Mix have a useful guide on self harm.
  
• Young Minds: Supporting a Friend With Their Mental Health has tips on supporting friends. Although written for young people the advice still applies.
• Student Minds Support for a friend guide includes how to look after yourself when supporting a friend.
  
• This NHS webpage on helping others with mental health which gives some helpful advice on what you can do to make a difference or where to go for further support.
  
• Men's Minds Matter have a helpful resource on suicide and supporting a friend. Although aimed at supporting a male friend, much of the advice is helpful.

Final thoughts

Supporting a friend who is struggling with thoughts of suicide or self-harm can feel overwhelming, but remember, your presence alone can be incredibly comforting. If you feel able to help, listen with care, offer reassurance, and encourage them to seek the help they need.

Don’t hesitate to reach out for support yourself, whether it's by speaking to someone you trust or directing your friend to professional services.

This guide was written by Student Support in partnership with students.