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Low self-esteem

If you feel bad about yourself all the time, this guide will help you understand these feelings and take practical steps to feel better.

Practical tips to help manage low self esteem.

Do you often feel you’re not good enough? That you get things wrong all the time? That you’re somehow just unlikeable? If so, you’re suffering from low self-esteem.

It’s common for people to feel bad about themselves from time to time, but when low self-esteem goes on for a long time, it can have a serious impact. It often makes us anxious and depressed. And it can hold us back socially and stop us trying new things and facing challenges.

Self-esteem is not fixed. Over time, we can learn to see ourselves in a more positive light.

Why am I feeling so bad about myself?

There are many different factors that can shape how we see ourselves, and these influences can vary widely from person to person. What affects one individual’s self-esteem may not affect another in the same way.

In some cases the way parents or carers communicate with us during childhood can influence how we view ourselves later in life.

Sometimes our self-esteem gets undermined from being bullied at school or being in an abusive relationship.

Social pressures also play a part. We’re encouraged to aspire to wealth, fame and beauty as measures of worth and can easily feel we’re behind. Meanwhile, social media pushes us to compare ourselves unfavourably with others.

Challenges at university might contribute too. If you find it hard to make friends or you see others doing better than you academically, you might end up concluding there must be something wrong with you.

What can I do to feel better now?

  • Be kind to yourself
    When you catch yourself being harshly self-critical, ask yourself: “Would I speak to a close friend that way?” Instead, talk to yourself with kindness and encouragement. And remember: making mistakes is part of being human, nobody is perfect and we all have flaws.

  • Do something you enjoy
    Whether it’s going for a walk or cooking a meal, simple pleasures can make you feel a bit better about your life.

  • Challenge negative self-talk
    You may tell yourself you're too stupid for your course or that nobody likes you. But is it really true? Examine the evidence for and against. Might there be a more balanced and realistic way of seeing things?

  • Recognise your own worth
    Write down positive things about yourself. Maybe you’re thoughtful or a good cook or someone others can rely on. Start with at least five positive things on your list and add to it regularly.

  • Celebrate your successes
    At the end of the day, write down three things that went well for you. Small is fine. You can praise yourself just for making your bed in the morning or getting to one of your lectures. 

What can I do to feel better over time?

  • Understand yourself better
    You weren’t born with low self-esteem. Be curious about who or what caused you to feel this way. Then you can start recognising when these messages are untrue and unhelpful – and exploring more realistic and helpful perspectives. Talking to a counsellor can help you work through these feelings and discover new perspectives.

  • Seek positive relationships
    Where possible, spend time with people who make you feel ok about yourself. You could even take the risk of opening up to a trustworthy friend.

  • Challenge yourself
    Join a society, try a new activity or sign up for some volunteering. Learning to do something new can help restore self-belief.

  • Limit social media use
    Scrolling through images of people’s apparently perfect lives is rarely helpful.

  • Assert yourself
    You might find yourself saying yes to other people even when you don’t really want to. It’s important to be clear about what your boundaries are. Sometimes that means saying no – even when that feels difficult.

Videos to help you feel better

These videos also offer helpful tips for overcoming low self-esteem:

Apps you can use

Our free Be Well app is full of practical tools to help you manage your wellbeing. It includes podcasts on self-compassion and on facing your fears. It also guides you through how to challenge negative thoughts.

Here are two other apps you could try:

  • Insight Timer is a free mindfulness meditation app. It includes talks and guided meditations to help you practise self-compassion.
  • The Self-Compassion App provides tools to reduce self-criticism and improve self-image.

Podcasts you can listen to

These podcasts provide insight and advice on low self-esteem:

Helpful web pages

Books you can read

For a deeper dive into how to overcome low self-esteem, try reading Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (2011) by Kristin Neff, a professor at the University of Texas at Austin and a pioneer in self-compassion research.

You could also work through The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Self-Esteem (2020) by clinical psychologist Joe Oliver.

People you can talk to

If low self-esteem is spoiling your life, there are people who can help.

You can call our Be Well – Talk Now phoneline any time on 0800 028 3766. You can talk to an advisor about how you’re feeling.

You can talk things through with one of the Student Support Advisors. They will listen, offer suggestions and can refer you for counselling here at the University.

Final thoughts

Low self-esteem can be debilitating. But there are steps you can take to change how you see yourself. Developing self-awareness, challenging negative beliefs and being kind to ourselves can all help.

Also, remember you don’t have to do it alone. If it feels like things will never change, ask for support.

This page was created by Student Support in partnership with students here at Bath.

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